Inside the World of the Pickup Artists in Ghosted

from Doctor Zomba's Ghostly Tales (Live on Kickstarter)

The panel above, illustrated by Anna Wieszczyk, is from Ghosted, the first story in Doctor Zomba’s Ghostly Tales (my comic horror anthology currently live here on Kickstarter), a story set in the world of pickup artists. Full confession: I find myself simultaneously fascinated and repulsed by this world, which is why it was a ripe setting for me to set my story

For those unfamiliar with this world, pickup artists are a community of men who have banded together to develop techniques for self-improvement in their lives, primarily when it comes to meeting and seducing women. Perhaps the most famous pick-up artist is Mystery (*aka Erik von Markovik), a rather glammed-up and flamboyant man who was the star of the reality series The Pickup Artist (2007-2008), and one of the primary subjects of Neil Strauss’ book The Game: Penetreating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.

Now, this community is much maligned by the mainstream media and feminists, and often deservedly so, for the streak of misogyny that often runs directly through it. That said, I think there is another side to this story that is worth exploring. Men don’t come to this community because they are good with meeting and dating women. They come because they are deeply insecure and unsuccessful at the dating and mating game.

These are men who have zero game. Now, most women will tell you that if they meet a guy in a bar or a club, it doesn’t really matter what that guy says to them, as long as he says something to break the ice. That really the best pick up line is, “Hi I’m (insert name here), what’s your name?” But let’s say you’ve tried that and failed. Again and again. Or you can’t quite muster the courage. I think women greatly underestimate men’s fear of rejection in these types of social situations. Maybe a man isn’t conventionally good looking. Or financially secure. A man’s entire ego and sense of self are on the line every time he steps out of his bubble and steps up to bat to try to meet a woman.

So, a society of men who can give you a bunch of canned but “interesting” lines to strike up a conversation with a stranger? If it helps him break the ice, that’s probably a good thing. If, and when, he is rejected yet again, to have living examples of other men who have been successful enough at cracking the code to close the deal in his community and are willing to offer tips and advice? The extra bit of resilience and confidence that this might afford him is worth its weight in gold.

Full disclosure: I met Mystery once. I ran into him outside a Hollywood club. I had just written a song inspired by him, about being young and going out to seek and successfully find the pleasure of a female’s company, called In Like Flynn. In my admittedly limited experience with him, he came across as a genuinely nice guy.

A little-talked-about aspect of the pickup artist community is that it also, at its best, focuses on all aspects of self-improvement: mental, physical, spiritual, financial, social, etc. In that respect, the community itself performs an overall noble service: the self-actualization of men. Because, let’s be honest. It’s not just that men often struggle to meet women. A lot of men today are struggling in general. A community of men trying to help other men improve themselves and be successful in all aspects of their lives has to be a good thing. Right?

But there is a dark side. That undeniable streak of misogyny. We get into an especially moral murky grey area where the pickup artist community has developed psychological techniques meant to manipulate another person’s behavior. For instance, “negs.” The subtle art of complimenting a woman in such a way that is actually a back door attack on her ego. For instance, if a woman is a bit on the heavy side, a budding pickup artist might remark, “You really fill up that dress,” as a way to make her feel self-conscious and thus more vulnerable to his entreaties.

Now, the community justifies such behavior to itself by saying these are techniques the jerks are using. They can use them too, and they’re nice guys. But, at a certain point, if you are using these techniques to manipulate someone in a cold and calculating way, how nice are you, really?

This is never more true than when it comes to the practice of '‘ghosting”. There is nothing more frustrating than when you’ve met someone new, and all of a sudden, with no warning and for no reason, they stop returning your calls or texts. But perhaps it is even worse, they return some but not others.

A rat in a cage that gets a pellet of food every time he pulls the lever will pull it whenever he’s hungry. But a rat in a cage who only sometimes gets that pellet when he pulls the lever will start to drive itself crazy, pulling that lever nonstop. Lest you think I’m letting women off the hook, this type of psych op manipulation is also a prominent reoccurring feature in women’s advice articles. “How to Drive a Man Crazy and Make Him Obsessed with You?” Answer, you stop returning his calls.

In today’s world of swipe-right apps, the rules of the mating game are rapidly evolving in ways both positive and negative. The old-fashioned way of meeting people drunk in a bar may be less prevalent. Young people are drinking less, for one thing. The rise of blatant misogynists like Andrew Tate, makes men like Mystery look quaint by comparison. But humans and human nature remain the same. The onus is still on men when it comes to figuring out how to connect with women. And when men or women resort to psychological manipulation to get what they want, there is always the danger of being ghosted.

Art by Henry Ponciano from Doctor Zomba’s Ghostly Tales Cover Variant B is currently available as part of the Doctor Zomba’s Ghostly Tales Kickstarter.